
I know this blog has so far been about sweets, but it is X'mas, so do indulge me.
And trust me, the subject is remotely relevant. Because my dad is what he believes to be a true gourmet. (the rest of us prefer the term "wolverine")
So much, that X'mas shopping for the man was a true headache and quite a nightmare, cos apart from food, I had no idea what to get him.
My dad's a real guy's guy who has few pleasures apart from the tasty.
How is he a real rock of a man?
Let me count the ways:
1) Real men don't use cologne.I opened dad's wardrobe recently to find three very familiar half-full (evaporated) bottles of expensive cologne.
One was a birthday gift from my sister's ex-boyfriend. (she is now married with two kids. the elder boy is almost 6 years old)
The other two were also birthday gifts, from when dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
The caveman's theory: Why use pricey cologne when you can use $5-a-can of deodorant from the supermarket?
Real men think it's more sensible to let Hugo Boss and Ralph Lauren go to waste and pay an extra $5 for Lynx from the supermarket.
So, cologne for X'mas is OUT.
2) Real men wear cottonDad has, in his wardrobe, stacks of unworn new shirts and even boxes of new underwear - a feeble attempt by mum to transform a real man into a metrosexual.
But real men don't wear underwear with other men's names on them. Who's Calvin?
And linen shirts? No way. Silk? You are out of your mind.
Cotton please.
Better still if they're not ironed. Bonus if there are holes in them.
So, shirts for X'mas is OUT.
3) Real men are strong and silent.
The phone rings.
Dad answers. Listens for ten minutes. Hangs up.
Mum yells from the kitchen: "Who was that?"
Real man: "Your brother."
Mum: "So? What did he say?"
Real man: "Nothing."
Mum later finds out her brother, who has not been in touch with the family for months, had secretly gotten married overseas, was expecting a child, and needed our help.
But in the world of real men, unless someone won the lottery, everything else is "nothing".
Brevity is a virtue.
Just in case you think my dad's a real Neanderthal who doesn't communicate his feelings, let me assure you that sometimes, he can get all emotional.
It is a common occurence to hear him say: "Who is that >$&*#^ who cut into my LANE??!?"
So to all the real men out there (including the one sitting motionless on my couch pretending not to hear the phone), a very Merry X'mas.
Enjoy your gourmet chocolates!